Bridge of Allan

Well, another day, another disappointment in my quest to find a good quality, reasonably-priced eaterie in Scotland with a bit of imagination. After a much-needed night out in Glasgow followed by a lovely afternoon wandering around sunny Kittochside with 2 of our favourite people, L&L, we reluctantly set off home up the A9. Time was passing and we needed to find somewhere for a late (4pm) lunch.

Me: "What about that deli/cafe in Bridge of Allan along from the Westerton Arms? Rhymes with Jive Bamsey. It's had good reviews and we got a rather tasty panini from the deli when G&T got married..."
He: "That is a cracking idea doll."

So there we are, having been grudgingly seated by the young surly waitress. The place is half empty but what feels like an age later (we've both been for cludgie visits in the meantime), she ambles over to ask what we want. Doesn't manage to raise a smile at any point.

Me: "I'll have the Vegetarian Sandwich please. And a fresh orange juice."
He: "Can I have the Smoked Ham and Cheese Sandwich please, and a sparkling mineral water."

At this point I have to tell you that, as you may have guessed by my order, I don't eat meat or poultry. It's a choice I made 18 years ago and I make no apology for it; I personally don't find it necessary to eat meat; neither do I feel the need to tell other people what to eat. I'll eat most other things, including fish (yes, one of those vegetarians who isn't really a vegetarian but who quite often has to opt for the desperately boring and unimaginative 'vegetarian option' when eating out).

So, back to lunch; on the menu my veggie option sounded relatively promising: avocado, rocket, tomato with a basil-based dressing. Thinks: "Could be a nice wee sandwich. Ok, so it's £5.95 but if the avocado's nice and ripe and it comes on a fluffy piece of homemade bread, then I'm happy with that. Could be a winner."

It wasn't. Firstly, it wasn't even a sandwich. It was a roll. It was what tasted like a crappy shop-bought morning roll. But oblong. Basically crusty air. The filling was worse. Unripened, discoloured avocado, tasteless rocket, scant dressing. All bad enough but worsened by the overriding taste of the inch-thick wedge of cheap margarine. Yum.

His wasn't much better. Both side salads oot of a packet.

And the orange juice tasted like Morrison's concentrate. Not really my idea of fresh but there you go.

Bill: Eighteen Quid.
I have to tell you, we didn't leave a tip for the first time EVER. And we didn't even feel guilty about it. I mean, is it really so bloody difficult? If you can't make a bloody sandwich then just don't bloody bother. And don't charge six quid for it either. The decor wasn't even appealing and the hideous cartoon Vettriano paintings were enough to put you off your lunch altogether. This place might have had a good write up in the Herald two years ago but that was two years ago. This is now and it's not good. It's bad.

FUFF x

p.s. Will everyone please stop putting raw onions in salads? Raw onions are not good for the tum tum. Not even the red ones.