An Island in Essex

Speaking of seafood shacks, can it really be almost a whole year since our visit to The Company Shed on Mersea Island?  Alas, it can.  What a lovely day that was.  Sunshine, beach huts, pictureskew cottages, house boats and bloody brilliant seafood:

The Company Shed is the kind of place that sticks to the basics - no faffing about, which means if you want side orders or anything that's not actual seafood, then you can bring your own.  And it was ace.  I ordered one of everything off the (extensive) menu which meant we struggled to finish it all but hey, I got over excited.  And it's not like I can pop in very often.




Mersea Island and the Company Shed made me want to up sticks and move to Essex.  If I did I'd quite like to live here:

FUFF x

Saucy Shellfish

It's a Saturday morning.  Me and Him have the ENTIRE WEEKEND OFF.  This is unusual.  It requires something a bit special and that can only mean one thing: a jaunt into the wilds of Scotland in our beloved campervan.  We've had a look at the weather forecast and the safest (ie driest) option within a 100 mile radius is on the east coast - East Lothian to be precise. 

Himself heads off to retrieve Bridget the campervan from exile in her lock-up while I race around gathering the necessary for a night under the stars.  Disposable BBQ - check.  Box of matches - check.  Worry about the actual food later - check.  And we're off!

It's 6.30pm and a suitably deserted beach has been located.  Actual food has been purchased.  The wine has been opened, the BBQ has been lit and the fish is marinading.  Ok, so there's no green stuff but we're slumming it.  If you can call scallops in their shells slumming it. Ha!








So, it's the next morning and we are in North Berwick looking for somewhere do our morning ablutions (wild camping has it's drawbacks.  I think you know what I'm saying).  Coming out of the public loos on the harbour we spot what could be the ideal place for an al fresco lunch in a couple of hours' time:

It's the Lobster Shack!  Now, I am quite a fan of this sort of thing.  The food is usually significantly fresher and cheaper than in an equivalent restaurant.  There's an amazing seafood shack beside the ferry terminal in Oban which everyone that way inclined should visit. I might have mentioned that before.




Anyway, after a walk of mammoth proprtions along the beach we are ready for lunch and head back to the Shack: 

Langoustine, sea bass, crab, fishcakes...hmmm, what will I have?  Lobster and chips?  Yes please!  Yummeroo.
When this picture was taken I had just demolished another half lobster which the very nice man gave us for free because we had to wait an enormous 15 minutes for our food.  Result!
All in all, that was a good weekend.

FUFF x

Big Up To Bruadar

I think Bruadar on Partickbridge Street might be my new favourite watering hole, with its endless burger menu (FIVE veggie options!!) and impressively huge range of 'craft' ales. Cheap wine too - hurrah!

Naturally I favour the halloumi burger with roasted red pepper.  Yumminess of the highest order.












Note the red cabbage coleslaw.  I wonder if I am alone in really despising coleslaw with every fibre of my being...where did it come from?  Why is it here?  Particularly heinous when referred to on the menu as 'slaw'.  It's really not necessary people, please stop it.
My greatest fear when travelling on our Great British Railways (besides having to use the toilet, obviously) is that I am trapped within smelling distance of someone devouring a coleslaw-laden sandwich from M&S.  And I'm not even sure coleslaw smells.  Maybe it's the power of suggestion.  Shudder.

Here's another picture of my new favourite pub:

FUFF x

Well I Never

I am in my flat.  I have just had fried potatoes for lunch.  That is the homemade equivalent of chips. 
This is not getting my vow of healthy compartmentalised lunches off to a good start (more on that later).  Gads.  I'm going to have to have a cup of tea and a biscuit while I think about what just happened.

So - back to the wonder of London food-based experiences.  Sorry to go on about it but I just need to make mention of Crystal Palace Park Cafe.  I really think people ought to know about this.  You can keep your Savoy Grill.  Get it up ye The Ivy.  This is what I'm talking about.

Eight words which apply to the Crystal Palace Park Cafe:

HEALTHY     LUNCH      FIVE      POUNDS     HALLOUMI      MEZZE     TOTALLY     ACE

Kind of in that order. Here's pictorial evidence:

Himself was beside himself with excitement.  Ok, so his excited face is quite low-key, but he actually felt moved to go up to the wifey at the counter and say the words:  "That was the best lunch I have ever had."           I am not paraphrasing.  Our work colleagues will attest to the fact that even Himself's packed lunches are pretty spectacular, so this was quite a momentous moment.  Unfortunately the woman didn't seem to speak English but hey, I think she got the gist.         

All this and a statue of Guy the Gorilla to ponder on while you're eating. 

I recently discovered that 'Song For Guy' by Elton John was not written about Guy the Gorilla.  Great.  That's another long-held belief blown out the water.

FUFF x

Oh Londinium

Oh Londinium, how I love you so.  It's a shame that a week's rent in London pretty much equals a month's rent in Glasgow.  Ah well.  Six monthly visits will have to do until G&T get that loft converted.  Manny services in exchange for free accomodation.  Ha!
Anyway, I have been moved to post my first blog in OVER A YEAR (again) due to some really rather pleasant eating experiences whilst in The Big Smoke:

Congratulations to Westow House...

Turns out that G&T's new next door 'hood' Crystal Palace is teeming with cool gastropubs (I hate that word) and it was rather a chore having to choose between them for our slap-up 3-course-with-liquers-if-we-have-time-to-squeeze-them-in-before-the-babysitter-misses-her-last-train-dinner.

I know - life's a beeyatch. 

After much mulling over of online menus we plumped for Westow because, quite frankly, you can take the girl out of Motherwell but you can't take Motherwell out of the girl.  Which means I'm a bit of a skinflint when it comes to spending money, even when it's someone else's.  It also means I get excited about half-price tattie scones.

So.  Westow House is CHEAP!  In a good way.  By London standards it's fairly miraculous.  As vulgar as it is I feel I can't stop myself going into the gory details: we are talking change from £120 quid.  For a 3 course meal for four people with booze.  And we had oysters!  I think they may have undercharged us somewhere...

FUFF x

P.S.  we didn't have time for liqueurs before the babysitter had to catch her train.  Plus, I don't think they do them.

Indeed I Do

Dear Wannaburger,

Please will you open a branch in Glasgow (but with less stinky loos)?

Yours sincerely
FUFF  x

Brilliant Brunches

Just a quick 'shout out' to a couple of neighbourhood cafes for their yummy breakfasty/brunchy type loveliness:  Hyndland Cafe (the clue to its whereabouts is in the name) for perfect smoked salmon and scambled egg bagels. Also, the Brooklyn Cafe (it's not actually in Brooklyn, it's in Shawlands!) for a very nice all day breakfast which includes a rather sumptuous fruit pudding.  Yum.

FUFF  x

Heroes and Villians cont.

Ah, yes.  Cottiers. 
How could I forget?  A dining experience so incredibly bad we were given vouchers for a free meal to make up for it.  Don't really have the energy to go into it.  The second visit was an improvement but they're still asking an awful lot of cash in return for very little.  And their mulled wine at Christmas was undrinkable.  Just not on really.

The Wee Curry Shop (Ashton Lane):
Over-rated.  Food very average.  Noisy, badly decorated and atmosphere-free.  Rubbish service to boot.  Give me the Tiffin Rooms any day.

Hah!  Ok, let's move on to the good stuff.  I'll see if I can keep things even.

Roseleaf, Edinburgh:
Lovely food, interesting menu and quirky and comfy surroundings.  Spent a very enjoyable birthday afternoon there with four very nice men.

Cafe Fresh, Dublin:
Enormous portions of vegetarian loveliness.  The carnivore in the family says it was effing ace.

The Bridge House, Maida Vale, London
Extensive menu that's amazingly good value for that neck o the woods.  Experience slightly marred by the fact that the man in charge was a total dick. 

Hmm.  I'm trying to think of some goodies in my hometown.  Places I will be going back to include:
Shandon Belles at the Buttery (as long as they stop putting chorizo in the fish dish!!!!!!)
Stereo - mainly for the sweet potato chips
The Lane - good pizza and very nice hot butter rum
Velvet Elvis - am still trying to get my mits on their salt cod croquettes

There.  Not a totally depressing state of affairs.  Hooray!

FUFF  x

Heroes and Villians

In the words of dear Peaches Geldof, OMG!

It's been almost a year since my last post. I'm not sure why. I suppose life sometimes gets in the way...I feel the only way to deal with this is to do a quick round-up of the culinary heroes and villians of the last financial year, if my poor bedraggled brain can remember that far back.
Shall we do the Villians first? Yes, let's.

Tron Theatre:
Tasteless, over-priced. The only decent thing was the coffee. They charge £10 for a veggie burger which turns out to be the frozen variety from Farmfoods. Nuff said.

Balthassar:
Rave reviews for this recently-opened French eaterie had us thinking it would be the perfect place for a nice pre-Christmas lunch. Wrong! Here's why:
a) RUDE (I could go as far to say 'snooty') waiters providing zilch service; we were asked once during our 2 and a half hour meal if we needed anything (we were only there so long because everything was so painfully slow).
b) The half of the menu consisting of egg-based dishes was off because "the dairy delivery hasn't arrived today". First of all, eggs aren't dairy. Second of all, your restaurant is precisely 100 yards from a shop selling eggs - work it out!
c) The food is very very basic. I imagine they think that because it's a bit 'French' that it's ok to charge posh prices. It's not.
d) Tiny portions.

So there.

Hmm. I know there were plenty more crap restaurant experiences to report but I think I'm going to have to mull it over my (homemade) lunch.

FUFF x

Arses

Well it's been a while. Months in fact. Christmas is a distant memory (thank the lord), Valentine's Day came and went without me and him bothering our arse to be remotely romantic as per. Not too many shit meals though, I'm pleased to report (possibly because most of them were home-cooked - once we were home from work rarely could we contemplate going out again into those sub zero temps).



However, I have once again felt moved to report on the out and out utter bollocksness of selected eateries in the Glasgow area. Take a bow The Arches. Closed for 3 months while the train lines above were sellotaped back together, I lived in hope that the once cool hangout would re-open with a flourish and some new decor, a new menu and above all, new kitchen staff. Alas, no. The only improvement was the touching-up of the grey paint on the way to the toilets.



So, Dear The Arches - A few points to consider:

• You have the rudest staff I've encountered probably EVER (interestingly, they were all male. Make of that what you will). Besides giving us the pure evils for daring to exist one of them actually walked away when I was in the middle of a sentence (quite a crucial one, being the ordering of the food bit). This possibly explained why half the toppings on my pizza were missing.


• Your menu is pish for non-carnivores. This is 2010 you know. Hence the ordering of the pizza since there was precious little else of interest.


• Your pizza sucks. Bitter base and tasteless sauce (although it might have been better had it come with the full quota of toppings).


• Your kitchen staff think it's ok to bring out one diner's order about 25 minutes before the rest of the table's. And then chuck it at the table from about a foot away.

So there we have it. Next time we're in the area we'll be going to Sloane's.

FUFF x

Merchant City

It's a chilly September night in Glasgow. LR's got 20% off vouchers for a new Japanese place, so we're heading east to try it out.

We get there and in Damage's words, it "looks like a supermarket"; it does, but with less slightly atmosphere than my local Morrisons. Tentatively, LR asks to see a menu before we commit. This proves to be a wise move since the lowest price on it seems to be £15. Although it's difficult to concentrate on what the menu says due to a commotion to our left - there's a large party of diners being 'entertained' by a chef who's standing in the gap in their square table chucking around what looks like slices of fried potato. The chef is making a hell of a lot of noise and the diners seem slightly uncomfortable, like they're being forced to have a good time.

We politely leave and go over the road to Ad Lib, and it turns out to be the first meal out I've had when I've not begrudged paying £10 for my main course (catfish burger with crayfish on top, since you ask).

Nice.

FUFF x

Kelvingrove

Big up to The 78 on Kelvinhaugh Street, Glasgow:

A pub/restaurant with an interesting, varied and relatively cheap menu and I can eat everything on it since it's meat-free (quite possibly vegan and organic to boot). Hooray! Cool and comfy surroundings, lovely staff, and different stuff happening every night.

In the words of himself, "barry".


FUFF x

West End Pizza

Sorry Pizza Magic, you have been usurped in our affections by Paperinos and their pesky new takeaway pizza menu. The menu's better, the pizza's tastier and more authentic, and they're cheaper.

It was fun, but it's over now.

FUFF x

Gorgie-Dalry

Bloody hell, it's been about 6 weeks since I last slagged off a restaurant online! This working-40-hours-a-week business really doesn't allow much time for blogging. Or eating, come to think of it...

Just a quickie to tell you how disappointing the Sample Rooms at the former Caledonian Brewery in Edinburgh was (see? I can't even be bothered to not tell you the real name).

Me and Him are going for lunch with the brother-in-law and his Canadian mistress, it's festival time in the Capital, it's Sunday, and we're on the prowl for a slap-up roast for the boys.

We find it, conveniently round the corner from the brother-in-law's flat; also, the boys have been there before and have deemed it to be "a bit pricey, but worth it".
Alas, on this particular occasion at least, it was pricey, but not worth it.

Main offences:
Meagre portions - my very average main course consisted of 2 (not very tasty) fishcakes, 3 cherry tomatoes and a bit of rocket, all of which adds up to a starter in my book, not an £8 main...
The kitchen managed to render a rhubarb crumble flavourless (apart from the worryingly earthy undertaste that is)...
They also managed to make a chocolate pudding taste of cheddar...
Worst of all, the waitress failed to offer the 'free pint of ale with every Sunday roast', the poster for which we only noticed on our way out! The roasts cost a tenner, incidentally.

Unforgivable.

FUFF x

Princes Square

I'll keep this brief.

Friday night. Post-work pizza at the place that has lots of Zs in the name. Buy-one-main-course-get-another-for-a-£1-voucher in my bag. Love pizza a lot. Getting quite excited. Discover too late that they don't take the voucher on a Friday night. Major huff ensues. Followed by really bad, tasteless, overcooked pizza. Wine also pish. Waiter smells like an ashtray. Cream puff doesn't improve. In bed by 10pm.

Not much else to say, really.

FUFF x

p.s. except: why does the management at Princes Square (the humungous glass roof of which raises the interior temperature to greenhouse proportions) insist on TURNING THE HEATING ON IN THE HEIGHT OF SUMMER??! It may be raining outside but it's still 19 DEGREES!! You twats.

The Barnton Bistro Has Re-opened!

It's true! If the menu's the same then Stirling's vegetarians can breathe a sigh of relief...

FUFF x

Byres Rd

Ooh, it's been a while food fans. It feels like we haven't had time to actually eat over the last 6 weeks, let alone gather material for the old blogette, but now that we are happily ensconsed back into city living, we've managed to squeeze in a couple of meals out.

We've been compiling a list of eateries in central Glasgow to try out, and No.16 (or is it No. Sixteen?) on Byres Rd was up near the top for two reasons: good things heard and, the real clincher, a £12.95 3 course pre-theatre menu - including a glass of wine!! You don't get many offers like that up the west end. Ok, so you have to get there by 6.15pm but since it was my day off and Himself was working in Byres Rd anyway, not a problem.

And overall, I really would recommend it. Nice food. The free glass of wine was even decent, and best of all, large.

But I would like to take this opportunity to make a plea to trendy restaurants everywhere: please can you stop putting bastard chorizo in all your bloody fish dishes??!! I'm becoming convinced that this is an F.U. to us pesky fish-eating vegetarians:
"Hey, I know, let's put just one fish dish on the menu but, just to piss off those vegetarians who aren't really vegetarians who always go for the fish option when they're eating out, why don't we put meat in it? Ha! That'll teach em."

Is this what food critics stuffing their fat faces on the Great British Menu call 'Surf n Turf'? Cos they're all at it you know. The tapas place in Princes Square we went to after work the other week was just as bad - nice sounding bit of sea bream perched on top of...guess what? Bastard chorizo mash. Why? Even if I ate meat I wouldn't eat that shit. It's a dodgy fat-filled sausage, and the Mediterranians aren't exactly renowned for their ethical approach to meat rearing. I know it's a lot to ask but it would be nice if for once people would take a few minutes to consider what living creatures are put through just so that they can enjoy their manky minced pig.

Anyway, back to No. 16: I had to have the risotto. Which I'd made for my tea the night before.

FUFF x

Adieu to the Quiet Life

Yes, it's been a bit quiet on the eating out front of late. The reason for this is lack of time and money since me and Him's decision to give up country living and move back to the city.

No more breakfasts at Gloagburn, no more laid back afternoons devoted to the quest for tea and cake. No more scouring the Fife and Perthshire countryside for tasty morsels to feed our wee fizzogs. Oh no. Now we are relocating our pilgrimage to the mean streets of Glasgow, with hopefully more success. That's if we can afford to eat, of course.

We never did manage to try out Pizza in the Park in Blair Atholl (best fish & chips in the country according to my Mum); or Destiny at Perth Airport; or whatever that place in the House of Bruar is called.

However, we will certainly be back for the odd visit when we are no doubt craving hills, fields and trees in large quantities (and no, you can't have your cake and eat it. Unless you go to the Tranquility Restaurant at Bridgend Garden Centre -although the cake there is so enormous it feels more like it's eating you).

To close this chapter I want to end on a positive note, so here's some of my favourites places that I didn't get around to mentioning before because I was too busy bemoaning the crap ones:

Hatters in Newburgh - Our relationship was short but very sweet. Had a goodbye lunch there today with the ceramicists. When me and Him went there for Sunday High Tea it was so huge I had to have a holiday from cake.

Breazh in Perth - Nice atmosphere and bloody good salads. Bit like Cafe Tabou but with nicer decor.

Harbour Cafe on Loch Venachar - Worth it for the setting alone, but the super good value weekday lunches are not to be missed in my humble opinion.

Byre Theatre in St Andrews - God, I'll miss the beaches at St Andrews and Tentsmuir. Anyway, lunch at the Byre wasn't bad either, with the added bonus of being in a really nicely designed building. If only Perth Concert Hall had taken a leaf out of the Byre's book, it wouldn't be so shit.

Birnam Institute - Still doing the veggie sausage sandwich - perfect for when you just want a quick nibble and don't want to pay over a fiver for it. And the wedges rock.

Tranquility Restaurant near Freuchie - It's in a garden centre; it's always insanely busy; it's never been re-decorated since 1989; the lighting is close to non-existent; it's anything but tranquil. But none of this matters. Everything they serve is of Desperate Dan proportions and costs a fiver or less.

Pillars of Hercules near Falkland - Lovely cake served in a log cabin strung with fairy lights on an organic farm = cool. Shame about the miserable staff and the nutjob owner.

Loch Leven's Larder - If you can actually get a seat then it's good food and great views. The deli and ultra-posh shop are an added bonus if you are looking to take out a second mortgage.

Hey, looking at that little lot makes me think it's really not all bad after all. Hooray!

Adieu to the quiet life....it's been educational.

FUFF x

Stirling

Now, Geordie JT is the only person I know who doesn't like Gloagburn; it's too expensive, she says, "and I don't like queueing for me dinner". Personally I think that's a good sign, but you can't please everyone. She recommends Destiny at Perth Airport for cake, so I'll need to give that a try sometime. Watch this space.

She also recommends a certain restaurant beginning with Z in central Stirling. My dear friend HC had one of the worst meals of her life (and she's had a few stinkers) there last November. It was an interesting evening. We were having our regular rendevous in Stirling for the purposes of shopping and eating (yes, I know it's not exactly a heaving metropolis bursting at the seams with cool trendy shops and eateries but it's better than Perth).

We decide to forego our usual meal at the Barnton Bistro (more on that later) in favour of pancakes and coffee there in the afternoon and dinner somewhere else - somewhere new and exciting! With hindsight this was what is often referred to as 'a bad idea'. Come 6pm we start a long trawl of the mean streets of Stirling town centre for somewhere - anywhere - half-decent and relatively inexpensive.

To our dismay we quickly realise that this doesn't exist in Stirling town centre and that's why there's a queue out the door of the Filling Station. We actually consider joining this queue but I have to catch the last Park and Ride bus at 8pm so we decide to try this slightly posh-looking place along the road. At least it has free tables and a couple of veggie options.

Alas, the veggie option ordered by HC turns out to be one of the most unappetising-looking plates of food I've ever seen and she's ever tasted. It is, according to the menu, the Creole dish 'Jambalaya'. Unfortunately on this occasion cooked by someone who had never tasted and never seen Jambalaya before.

It arrives without any fuss or garnish - just a massive bowl full of watery rice with chopped tomatoes and green peppers through it. And HC doesn't like green peppers. And it's costing her £9. Oh dear. "I wish I'd ordered what you did", she says (burger and chips - not bad).

Now, HC's not backward at coming forward when asked by a waiter if everything's alright with her meal. Cue a lot of apologising by the (very sweet) young waiter (waiting staff always seem to be dead nice in Stirling, especially the young men), trips back and forth to the kitchen and offers of another main course, free coffees and desserts. But as we were pushed for time we pass. Regardless, he appears with a rose flavoured panacotta and asks us to try it for him and see what we think. Aww, ok then. And it's not bad, although we inform him it could be a lot more rose-flavoured.

Oh, I bet he was glad to see the back of us. So, it's probably an OK place - just don't order the Jambalaya. And we might even be back since it's one of the few options left now that the Barnton Bistro has CLOSED DOWN! I'm sorry, but why does this always happen? You discover a place which is cheap and does the best veggie burgers and breakfasts you've ever had (the fried eggs were always bang on), and then it goes and shuts down! It was such a nice wee hang-out and now it's gone. Bollocks.

FUFF x

Herne Hill, London

Aah, London...
Love, love, love it - as long as I don't have to live there, of course. It's Saturday afternoon and we're hingin aboot in Herne Hill til we have to catch our train into town to begin our mammoth arse-achingly-long journey back to Scotland.

And what better way to spend a couple of hours than having lunch with the beautiful GC (while she's inbetween flea-pit flat viewings)? There was talk the night before of the Half Moon pub's pizzas (2 for 1 on a Monday but apparently so good we wouldn't mind paying full price on a Saturday lunchtime), so we decided to meet there.

However, drinks ordered and seats bagged, after half an hour there's no sign of a chef on the premises. And it's nearing 1pm. What do we do? Hotfoot it to Cafe Provencale next door or wait just a wee bit longer to see if he turns up? Well, knowing just how long it can take to get across London on a Saturday afternoon, we decide Cafe Prov is the answer.

And very nice it is too. It's had a nice wee makeover but they've still managed to retain a cosy, quirky and slightly ramshackle (that's a good thing) ambience. It's quite a small menu but it's to the point and they have some interesting specials if you're willing to push the boat out. GC opts for the smoked salmon omlette: it comes with garlic chips and she's being craving protein and chips lately being up the duff and everything. Me and Him go for the all day breakfasts - veg for me and meat for him, natch.

And it's all good. Except for two things: My fried eggs (x2) were a tad underdone for my liking and a bit gelatinous in parts, but horror of horrors - GC's chips were NOT garlicky. At all. However, the staff are super-nice and it's overall a pretty cool place, and if it was my local eaterie I'd be in there all the time.

Incidentally, can I just mention Pizza Express in Tonbridge? Yes, I know it's just a bloody Pizza Express and it's not like they need the business but it was probably the best one we've been in, and we got to sit on the very lovely balcony area overlooking the river. Just the ticket.

FUFF x